I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
