i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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