Jerry, you need to find god
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
