I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
