he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
