I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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