he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
