I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
