it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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