But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
