I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
