your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
