Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
