its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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