If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
