I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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