they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
