U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
