defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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