My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
