My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
