I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
