Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
