Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Terrible idea I love it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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