I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize