Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
