I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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