im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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