Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
