I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Randomize
