I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
