Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We got so high we made milksteak
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
