You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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