Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize