Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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