So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
