Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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