from now on my penis is your penis
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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