ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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