george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
