just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
