Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize