I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
