I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My feet surprised me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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