69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize