dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
