Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
