So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
