you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
