would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
