i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
