When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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