If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
