dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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