Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
