the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
