I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
