when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
