Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
