Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize