She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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