Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
