If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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