Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
