I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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